'Hmmm' the Visa clerk said 'Why wouldn't you want us to tell anyone you were buying a nice sexy gift for your girlfriend. There are only two reasons I can think of why you wouldn't want me to do that.' I looked around and saw my sales-girl motioning for a large African American security guard to come to the counter. Before I knew it, all six foot five of him was standing right next to me. My face came up to about his rib cage.

'The first reason is that you are a thief, and have stolen the credit card, in which case I will have to tell the sales-girl and they will have to turn you into mall security.' I looked up into the security guard's face, he looked bemused by my predicament.

'And . . . And the second reason?' I stammered.

'Look you even have a lispy stutter, isn't that sweet. Oh Yes. The second reason is that you are a little faggot sissy, panty bitch, and you want to buy panties so you will look like a pussy and men will want you to use you like a fuck-toy.' The women in the background were actually whooping, giving new meaning for me to the term whooping it up. The sales-girl pressed a button on my phone projecting the conversation through the speakers so that everyone in and around the store could hear it.